Sleeping arrangements with a live-in couple is always interesting.

After living with Pink Firefly for about nine months and sharing the same bed with her at night, both of us have had to re-learn how to sleep with another human being. It has not been nearly as bad as I first expected, but it’s definitely an adjustment.

The first issue is that both her and I have a queen sized bed, which is big enough for two people, but barely, especially when one of these two people (me) is quite large. Thankfully, Pink Firefly is tiny (5’4” and just over a hundred pounds) so this helps.

When she moved in, I just chucked my bed (since I don’t give a shit) and we used hers, since it’s technically nicer than my crappy bachelor bed. My bed was queen-sized as is hers. A king-sized bed would be much, much better for us, but that’s expensive and I’m not buying one until my income goes up. As always, she has her own money and I’ve told her she is welcome to buy a new king bed for us whenever she likes. (I’m sure you can imagine the response I got.)

The next issue is that while I don’t mind sharing a bed with a woman, provided that woman is both small and quiet (and PF is both), I refuse to share the same blankets with a woman. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life getting blankets pulled off of me in the middle of the night, nor getting into arguments about how I pull the blankets away from her. No thanks.

I also like to tightly wrap blankets around me at night like a sleeping bag, and this isn’t possible if you share sheets/blankets with another human, even if those sheets/blankets are very large. You always end up with this large space in-between the two of you, especially when you’re both facing opposite directions. I hate that. I want to be wrapped in my blankets like a burrito, even in the summer. Every time I sleep in a hotel, I pull all the blankets and sheets out of the tucked mattresses before I go to bed, then wrap myself in my burrito. I’m sure the maids hate me.

I also hate sheets on top of me. Sheets below me are fine, but sheets on top of me are stupid as shit. Halfway into the night, these damn things are wrapped around my neck, or bunched down by one of my legs, or shoved up my butt crack, or in some other stupid and inconvenient location. Fuck that. Just give me one or two big, thick blankets for my burrito and I’m good. Sheets are gay.

So lately, I’ve slept with my own two big, heavy, queen-sized comforter-thick blankets on my side of the bed while Pink Firefly sleeps with her multiple layers of sheets, blankets, and comforter like a normal human. That works for me, but often my overly huge blankets will invade her space in the middle of the night, causing her to push them over back towards me. Also, since her blankets aren’t tucked in on my side of the bed, every morning she’ll wake up and half of her blankets will be on the floor on her side, which, as a girl, she doesn’t really like.

So while I refused to buy a king bed, I agreed to go get some smaller comforters/blankets (twin sized, since they don’t make single sized big blankets like this) to alleviate most of this size problem. We went out, and I picked out mine and she picked out a new twin-sized blanket for her. Two twin-sized blankets on a queen-sized bed will be much more manageable.

So we get home, and her blanket is perfect, but as I lay out my new blankets, they’re way too big. They’re almost the size of the entire damn queen bed. We compare my blankets with hers, and sure enough, mine are larger in width. They’re both “twin” so I didn’t understand. I look on the packaging and it says “Twin/Twin XL” instead of just “Twin.”

Fuck. Really, bed industry, really? Can’t you just keep this shit simple, with standard sizes?

So now I have two big ass blankets in the back seat of my car I have to return and I have to locate “twin” blankets that are not too girly/gay and that don’t say “Twin/Twin XL.” Awesome.

Eventually, when my income shoots up again, I’ll get a king bed and solve all this shit. But not until it makes sense financially.

Edit/Update: Sooooooo based on the comments I’m getting below, I seem to have miscommunicated in this article. My fault. I am not having trouble sleeping. During this whole time I’ve been sleeping with my own blankets and without a sheet on top of me, so I’ve been sleeping just fine. This problem is in the “irritant” category, not the “holy fuck I can’t get a good night’s sleep” category. Hope that clears things up.

25 Comments on “Sleeping Arrangements

  1. How do you decide if you are financially stable to buy a king-sized bed haha? Do you want one of those 6$K beds or is it just a percentage of your income that you have alloted to material stuff?

  2. BD, for such a logical guy, this column defies all logic. In other columns, you talk about how important 8 hours of good sleep is. How can there not be infinite value in buying a good quality king size bed if you both sleep better (and you will)? I know you are against splitting the cost of anything with PF, so just bite your tongue and buy one at your own expense. It will be the best investment you ever make, and prolong your relationship (if she disturbs your sleep, you will develop negative feelings toward her, even if subconsciously). Just make sure you do your research and test before you buy.

  3. This is hilarious. The fact that you have enough money to buy the bed no problem, hate wasting time with meaningless stuff and value quality sleep but are willing to waste time searching for the right size blankets and getting less quality sleep as a result because you are just so god damn cheap is fucking gold. Never change BD lol.

  4. I personally don’t like sleeping in the same bed with the girls I’m seeing.  I never get a great night’s sleep.  If they snore, forget it.  Either fix the snoring problem or we’re sleeping in different rooms.

  5. I have to agree with the other posters here.  Sleep is one area you should not compromise on, if at all possible.  A good nights sleep is worth a lot of money and can be the difference between a productive day and a useless day.

    Although I would pay good money to see a video re-enactment of BD’s sleep troubles…

  6. I put a huge value on my sleep and as such I always sleep alone.

    There is a spare room if any chick wants to sleep over.

  7. Thankfully, Pink Firefly is tiny (5’4” and just over a hundred pounds)

    Damn, that sounds thin. Granted, I can imagine a slender girl but with big boobs and hips, but at 5’4 I thought your “type” of girl would be thicker than to weigh 100ish.

  8. How do you decide if you are financially stable to buy a king-sized bed haha? Do you want one of those 6$K beds or is it just a percentage of your income that you have alloted to material stuff?

    I don’t have a specific formula for it. I just know it would cost me several thousand dollars that isn’t in my budget. If it was a few hundred bucks I would just do it, but for a few thousand, that needs to wait.

    In other columns, you talk about how important 8 hours of good sleep is. How can there not be infinite value in buying a good quality king size bed if you both sleep better (and you will)?

    I don’t have any problems sleeping. I’ve been sleeping with no sheet and separate blankets this entire time, so I sleep like a baby.

    The fact that you have enough money to buy the bed no problem, hate wasting time with meaningless stuff and value quality sleep but are willing to waste time searching for the right size blankets and getting less quality sleep as a result because you are just so god damn cheap is fucking gold.

    Yeah pretty much, except like I said, I don’t have any problems sleeping, so this isn’t harming my life. This is in the inconvenience category.

    Also, since writing this post I’ve resolved the problem; I now have some twin blankets that work more or less okay.

    Never change BD lol.

    Don’t worry; I probably won’t. 🙂

    Damn, that sounds thin. Granted, I can imagine a slender girl but with big boobs and hips, but at 5’4 I thought your “type” of girl would be thicker than to weigh 100ish.

    Oh she’s definitely thin, but she has really big boobs, so it’s all good. She doesn’t have a big ass, but I’ll forgive that because of her boobs, facial hotness, and the fact she’s precisely my type (busty blonde Barbie).

    And remember, I’m nonmonogamous, so whatever I can’t get physically from my wife I can always get elsewhere.  Unlike monogamy, you never have to miss out on anything just because you’re in a committed relationship. (Reason #243 that nonmonogamy is better than monogamy.)

  9. By the way, Pink Firefly is reading this thread and she’s loving all of your comments about how cheap I’m being. You fuckers.

  10. Two scenarios:

    1) You buy the bed now. In this case you will spend some money (say 3k, precise amount is not super important) and sleep well from now on.

    2) You wait 2 months and buy your bed then. In this case you will again spend 3k and start sleeping well after those 2 months.

    Difference between the two scenarios: 2 months of good sleep. No saving of money, time, energy etc.

    While I see that applying this logic to everything would lead to stupid decisions (buying a Ferrari the moment you have 200k instead of waiting until you have 10M or so and can actually afford it), in the case of bed (sleep is very important and the price is not huge) I am a little bit surprised that you didn’t just buy it yet.

    On the other hand I know that what you say/do usually makes sense, so I’d like to know by what criteria you decided not to buy a new bed yet. Given the fact that other commenters are also surprised by this, maybe an article about how tight you have to be in not spending money would make sense. Overall I would guess that many readers (myself included) do not fully realise how much aware you have to be about spending/saving/investing your money to get really good results. I assume that it is mostly about having a set of well thought money/budget rules and being very very strict about not breaking them? How precise/tight are those rules?

  11. You buy the bed now. In this case you will spend some money (say 3k, precise amount is not super important) and sleep well from now on.

    I’m already sleeping well. If I was sleeping poorly I’d have taken care of this problem very quickly a long time ago, regardless of cost. (But I still probably wouldn’t fucking spend thousands of dollars on a new bed. I’m still a cheap ass.)

    Given the fact that other commenters are also surprised by this, maybe an article about how tight you have to be in not spending money would make sense.

    Since everything in my life is my fault, clearly I did not communicate well in this article, which is funny and makes me laugh. Somehow I incorrectly communicated that I’ve been having trouble sleeping and I haven’t. What I’m describing in this article is a minor irritant, not problem where I can’t sleep.

    As a matter of fact, I’ll add an blurb at the end of this article to clarify that.

    Overall I would guess that many readers (myself included) do not fully realise how much aware you have to be about spending/saving/investing your money to get really good results. I assume that it is mostly about having a set of well thought money/budget rules and being very very strict about not breaking them? How precise/tight are those rules?

    Great idea for a blog post. I’ll do it.

  12. Maybe there is a way to make money off not having a proper bed?

    can you get a celebrity endorsement where you show off your new bed

    maybe with a tasteful logolike a “swoosh”

    Give a testimonial

    and the company loans you the new bed forever

    no tax liability

    thanks BD

    great post

    you are not cheap just willing to be inconvenienced

  13. BD, have you read the research on sleeping alone vs. together? I don’t have all the old research I found organized but it objectively reduces REM sleep (in men):

    http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com:80/doi/10.1111/j.1469-8986.1969.tb02910.x/abstract=

    I’ve found sleeping alone to be much healthier, you get to isolate the variables, no one wakes anyone else up. Don’t have to worry about her waking to pee, etc..

    Obviously, you’ll have to deal with the Disney on the subject but a lot more couples do it than we think.

  14. I’m with CW. At first sight of this article I thought you would talk about more relationshippy things and wondered why this article was not on the other blog.
    Mr Jones, have you ever shared a home but not a bed or a bedroom? Even if not, I’m sure you can give some insight on the subject.

  15. Maybe there is a way to make money off not having a proper bed?

    Ohhhhh there are ways to make money with ANYTHING…

    BD, have you read the research on sleeping alone vs. together?

    Oh yes, in great detail. And I agree with the data you linked to. But as you said, implementing something like that in the real world is a very different story.

    At first sight of this article I thought you would talk about more relationshippy things and wondered why this article was not on the other blog.

    Because:

    1. One of the topics of the Caleb Jones Blog is “My Life”. This is a fun little thing from my life.

    2. This article isn’t content-rich enough on the topic of relationships to be over at the BD Blog.

    3. My more detailed relationship updates with PF will indeed stay over at the BD Blog (one is going up there tomorrow). But little interesting tidbits about it will be here.

    4. I don’t consider this issue important enough to warrant a detailed analysis. Just my opinion.

    Mr Jones, have you ever shared a home but not a bed or a bedroom? Even if not, I’m sure you can give some insight on the subject.

    I have not, though I agree the idea has merit.

  16. Much better than a King size bed, (and possibly cheaper ?): 2 identical twin size beds pushed against each others. It’s even possible to have a system were both beds can be strapped together and unstrapped at will.

    Or why not 2 queen size beds if you have space for that, you already have one and just need to buy an identical one, at least for the mattress if the frame isn’t adapted for this solution.

    Why this is better for me : there is an embedded clear frontier between both beds. Yet I can still be in the middle it’s not really a problem. Most importantly, I can cuddle, then roll over to my side, and I won’t feel her move on her side during the night.

  17. I’ve slept on ikea foam matresses for about 7 years and they are great. And they only cost $400 in the king size. I know you live close to portland, so just go drive to ikea and buy a god damn king sized mattress and frame for about $700 total.   

    If you really want a quality frame, go to crate an barrel and pay about $700 more for a quality frame that would last you 20+ years.

    But since your planning on moving in a few years, just get the ikea.

  18. Much better than a King size bed, (and possibly cheaper ?): 2 identical twin size beds pushed against each others. It’s even possible to have a system were both beds can be strapped together and unstrapped at will.

    Not sure how that would solve the problem, but I like that you’re being creative.

    about $700 total

    Great! If $700 is such a small amount of money and no big deal, would you like to pay for it?

    (Of course that’s all assuming that A) I want a foam mattress and B) Pink Firefly won’t complain about sleeping on a foam mattress or a bed from “IKEA where they sell cheap crap”. Remember that we’re talking about girl here, not you.)

  19. The think with IKEA stuff is not that its bad but that it doesn’t last very long: doesn’t keep the quality beyond a few years. If youre planning to use the same furniture and stay in the same place for years and decades its better to buy somewhere else. If you think you might leave to somewhere far its best to buy cheap stuff that doesnt last and then just trash it / give it away.

    I personally dont like foam stuff it feels like a gimmick to me. I like firm latex mattraces in the cheaper range and if I want to pay a lot then Id buy one of those huge spring mat with a thick layer of latex on top (I cant stand if I feel the spring even a bit and can feel it when others cannot…).

    Two beds / mats vs one big one is always bad in my opinion. Reduces the options on how you use your bed and sleeping configurations quite a lot (because no one wants to be in the middle with two beds next to each other but on one big one its actually nice to sleep in the middle quite often.

    If you have some extra rooms in your house its always good to have more then one place where one can sleep. That way when you want the cuddle time you can sleep with the partner and when you need a good night sleep / expect to go to sleep at diff times etc you can keep it separate and not disturb each other. Indeed the issues related to sleeping together are issues that plebs have. The burgoise has been sleeping separately since time immemorial and they just visit each other when / if they want to.

  20. Much better than a King size bed, (and possibly cheaper ?): 2 identical twin size beds pushed against each others. It’s even possible to have a system were both beds can be strapped together and unstrapped at will.

    Not sure how that would solve the problem, but I like that you’re being creative.

    My thought on how that would solve the problem is that PF can make her twin bed up with everything tucked where it goes and won’t end up with all her stuff on the floor, but that doesn’t really solve your issue.  Going with Gang’s idea here, I believe you can use king size box springs, which are longer but the same width as a twin, then get two extended length twin mattresses.  I believe king size box springs (which come in two halves as opposed to one large king sized box spring) will also work on a twin frame.  Also two twin beds side by side is the same width as a king size bed other than the additional width two frames might cause (a few inches extra).

  21. BD,

    I’ve been reading your shit religiously for about 4 years now since my divorce and you’ve helped me immensely.  That said, and I can’t put my finger on exactly why, but this post disturbed me.  Are you ok?

  22. Are you ok?

    Better than okay. This has been literally one of the best years of my life, and in the last several months I’ve been so excited about the stuff I’m working on that I can barely contain myself.

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