How The Primaries Work – And Why They’re Not Important Yet
The United States primaries begin today. This is when about 15% of the population deluded enough to vote this early vote for evil, destructive candidates on a state-by-state basis. The winner of each state is awarded a certain number of delegates per state. The bigger the state in population, the more delegates the candidate receives upon a win. The one with the most delegates becomes the party nominee. Since our elites only allow two equally corrupt parties in the United States, there will sadly be just two nominees: one for the corporatist, warmongering, quasi-socialist, bad at math Democrats, and one for the corporatist, warmongering, big-government, individualism-hating Republicans. (Third parties like the Libertarian Party and the Green Party will also be running their own candidates through primaries of sorts, but it won’t matter and no one will give a shit, since the elites do not allow these parties to participate.)
As I’ve been talking about already, this time around each side has a very popular non-elite candidate stirring up the deluded masses into a frothy frenzy. Hordes of insane American voters can’t wait for Bernie to give them piles of free stuff, or for Trump to “get them damn foreigners out of mah country.” Neither of these things are going to happen of course, even if one of these men do become president, but lately the slow collapse of the Western world has been hugely entertaining to watch.
Seriously. Normally on my little work breaks I watch snippets of action movies, but lately I’ve been catching up on the political news instead. It more than entertaining, it’s laugh-a-minute circus. Watching left-wingers have orgasms when Bernie talks about FREE EVERYTHING FOR EVERYBODY, watching right-wingers jump with joy about how Strong Trump Is™, watching the political and media elites pull their hair out in confusion as to why these two men are getting so much attention…oh man, this shit is hilarious. You couldn’t make a movie this good.
But I digress, back to the primaries. The media and the political class make a big deal over these primaries, but they don’t actually mean anything yet. Today will be the first primary, the Iowa Caucus. On Feb 9th will be the next one, New Hampshire. Then Nevada, then South Carolina. Then on March 1st, we will have Super Tuesday where a huge pile of states have their primaries on the same day, including some very important ones like Texas and Georgia.
Here’s the deal: You don’t really know who the nominees will be until about March 15th at the earliest, since that’s when most of the primaries that matter are over and the momentum of one candidate will be noticeable. March 15th is another mini-Super Tuesday with some very important states such as Florida, North Carolina, Illinois, and Ohio.
Today two nominees (one D, one R) are going to win Iowa, and whomever it is, everyone will make a big fat deal about it.
- If Bernie wins, left-wingers will have an orgasm and say “it’s all over for Hillary.”
- If the Lizard Queen wins, the elites will breathe a sigh of relief and say “it’s all over for Bernie.”
- If Trump wins, angry right-wingers will have an orgasm and say “it’s a lock for Trump.”
- If Ted Cruz wins, the elites will say “Trump has an uphill battle now.”
…and they’ll all be full of shit. Because it doesn’t matter who wins Iowa.
Guess who won Iowa last time? Rick Santorum. Did he become president?
In 2008, Mike Huckabee won Iowa. Did he become president?
The next one will be New Hampshire, and everyone will freak out about that on the 9th. And it won’t matter either. Guess who one New Hampshire in 2008? The Lizard Queen on the Dem side and John McCain on the Republican side. Did either of these people become president?
Even if one candidate sweeps Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, and South Carolina before Super Tuesday, it doesn’t really matter. That person’s supporters will be very excited, but that’s about it. None of this stuff will be decided until mid March at the earliest (and even then we may not know).
So don’t buy the hype over the next few weeks over Iowa or New Hampshire or any of that crap, regardless of how excited people sound. We’re all going to have to wait another few months before we find out who the next horrible president will be.
It’s going to be a hell of a ride though!