How The Primaries Work - And Why They're Not Important Yet - Caleb Jones

The United States primaries begin today. This is when about 15% of the population deluded enough to vote this early vote for evil, destructive candidates on a state-by-state basis. The winner of each state is awarded a certain number of delegates per state. The bigger the state in population, the more delegates the candidate receives upon a win. The one with the most delegates becomes the party nominee. Since our elites only allow two equally corrupt parties in the United States, there will sadly be just two nominees: one for the corporatist, warmongering, quasi-socialist, bad at math Democrats, and one for the corporatist, warmongering, big-government, individualism-hating Republicans. (Third parties like the Libertarian Party and the Green Party will also be running their own candidates through primaries of sorts, but it won’t matter and no one will give a shit, since the elites do not allow these parties to participate.)

As I’ve been talking about already, this time around each side has a very popular non-elite candidate stirring up the deluded masses into a frothy frenzy. Hordes of insane American voters can’t wait for Bernie to give them piles of free stuff, or for Trump to “get them damn foreigners out of mah country.” Neither of these things are going to happen of course, even if one of these men do become president, but lately the slow collapse of the Western world has been hugely entertaining to watch.

Seriously. Normally on my little work breaks I watch snippets of action movies, but lately I’ve been catching up on the political news instead. It more than entertaining, it’s laugh-a-minute circus. Watching left-wingers have orgasms when Bernie talks about FREE EVERYTHING FOR EVERYBODY, watching right-wingers jump with joy about how Strong Trump Is™, watching the political and media elites pull their hair out in confusion as to why these two men are getting so much attention…oh man, this shit is hilarious. You couldn’t make a movie this good.

But I digress, back to the primaries. The media and the political class make a big deal over these primaries, but they don’t actually mean anything yet. Today will be the first primary, the Iowa Caucus. On Feb 9th will be the next one, New Hampshire. Then Nevada, then South Carolina. Then on March 1st, we will have Super Tuesday where a huge pile of states have their primaries on the same day, including some very important ones like Texas and Georgia.

Here’s the deal: You don’t really know who the nominees will be until about March 15th at the earliest, since that’s when most of the primaries that matter are over and the momentum of one candidate will be noticeable. March 15th is another mini-Super Tuesday with some very important states such as Florida, North Carolina, Illinois, and Ohio.

Today two nominees (one D, one R) are going to win Iowa, and whomever it is, everyone will make a big fat deal about it.

  • If Bernie wins, left-wingers will have an orgasm and say “it’s all over for Hillary.”
  • If the Lizard Queen wins, the elites will breathe a sigh of relief and say “it’s all over for Bernie.”
  • If Trump wins, angry right-wingers will have an orgasm and say “it’s a lock for Trump.”
  • If Ted Cruz wins, the elites will say “Trump has an uphill battle now.”

…and they’ll all be full of shit. Because it doesn’t matter who wins Iowa. 

Guess who won Iowa last time? Rick Santorum. Did he become president?

In 2008, Mike Huckabee won Iowa. Did he become president?

The next one will be New Hampshire, and everyone will freak out about that on the 9th. And it won’t matter either. Guess who one New Hampshire in 2008? The Lizard Queen on the Dem side and John McCain on the Republican side. Did either of these people become president?

Even if one candidate sweeps Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, and South Carolina before Super Tuesday, it doesn’t really matter. That person’s supporters will be very excited, but that’s about it. None of this stuff will be decided until mid March at the earliest (and even then we may not know).

So don’t buy the hype over the next few weeks over Iowa or New Hampshire or any of that crap, regardless of how excited people sound. We’re all going to have to wait another few months before we find out who the next horrible president will be.

It’s going to be a hell of a ride though!

9 Comments on “How The Primaries Work – And Why They’re Not Important Yet

  1. Good Fact Check on Primary Winners. I have to applaud CNN for milking every last viewer. I lost my first business deal to politics. My prospect was a right-wing poseur (doesn’t have the money to believe in true right wing values, he’s actually better off being leftist). He and my dad (leftist) for that matter think that Ben Carson is the best candidate. I resonated with some political posts you had on blackdragon, but I don’t like how if I read you right that you’re apathetic. What are your thoughts on Bloomberg as an independent?

  2. I don’t like how if I read you right that you’re apathetic

    I am 100% apathetic. The Western world is done for, which it what it wants, and the best option is to detach from the system as best you can/and or move out of the Western world within the next 5-15 years.

    What are your thoughts on Bloomberg as an independent?

    I think his odds would have been really good if he had done it 10+ years ago. Now he has no chance, even if he spends $1 billion like he says he’s going to. A third political party is not something American’s brains understand, and Bloomberg is not enough of a character (like Ross Perot was) to make a difference. He’s just another left-wing, bank-owned corporatist like Obama and the Lizard Queen.

  3. It technically hasn’t collapsed yet, but it’s past the point of repair so a collapse is inevitable (unless someone invents something that revolutionizes the world).

    The mean reasons are:

    1. Debt (governmental, consumer, and banking)
    2. Political correctness
    3. Socialism and corporatism
    4. Two-party political system (for the US)

  4. Regarding Iowa, Ted Cruz has won. Trump came in 2nd, Rubio 3rd, all the other Republicans did horribly.

    As of 10pm PST, Bernie and the Lizard Queen have come in at a dead heat tie, literally 50% / 50%.

    And again, none of this actually matters…yet.

  5. In terms of the cause of America’s decline, I’ll say that I don’t really agree that the two party system is a cause. I have heard the LP complain about this before. However libertarians can get elected. They can go through the existing party structure and come out on top. I think of it more like the superbowl. Lots of teams play but only two compete at the final. However you have to win at the lower levels first to get a chance to get to the final.

    Now of course machine politics might make that difficult but surely Sanders and Trump offer examples that it is certainly possible.
    The reason libertarians don’t get elected in America is that the American people don’t want what they are selling. And that comes back to your third point socialism or corporatism. And really, I’d add to your list something that is really both a cause and effect of this, namely the government run school system who teach our kids to be a bunch of dependent, needy, irresponsible weenies. But what do you expect if the government runs the schools? Thomas Jefferson? Ben Franklin?

    Something that I saw recently made me think about this. Consistently at the top of the average person’s list of best presidents are Washington and FDR. Now this is probably because your average high school graduate can’t list more than a dozen presidents, but this is particularly notable given that politically and in terms of belief systems or practical application of government you could hardly find two more opposite presidents that Washington and FDR. They can’t both be good.

  6. I’m not talking about libertarians. I’m talking about two parties can than do whatever they want, including run the goverment into the ground, because no one has any other viable choices.

    If you wanted a healthy government in the US, you’d have at least five parties, not two. They would probably look something like this:

    – Corporatist warmonger party (Republicans)
    – Corporatist left-wing party (Democrats)
    – Real left-wing party (Green party, etc)
    – Real right-wing party (Constitution party, Reform party, etc)
    – Small government party (Libertarians)

    The above is just an example; perhaps it would work out differently. For more detail, read this.

    As it stands now you’ve got two parties everyone sort of hates but has no choice but to vote for. Thus, the two parties can be as evil, incompetent, and corrupt as they like; a direct contributor to America’s decline over the last 25 years.

  7. I just realized how stupid the Iowa caucus system is then it was reported that ties in particular districts were determined by a coin toss. At first I thought this was a metaphor, but no, it turns out they actually do a fucking coin toss… not to mention the Lizard Queen apparently won six coin tosses in a row, which is statistically quite improbable.

  8. not to mention the Lizard Queen apparently won six coin tosses in a row, which is statistically quite improbable

    Yeah I just read that. She won six coin tosses in a row. Odds of this happening: 1.54%. Awesome. The Lizard Queen’s criminal enterprise continues. I can’t wait to see all the left-wingers justify voting for her when Bernie loses.

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