Barack Obama: Beta Male President - Caleb Jones

“I will stand firm. Unless it’s Republicans. Or BP. Or Israel. Or Big Pharma. Or China. Or my wife. Or that scary-looking cat over there. Or…”

Warning: I am about to bash Barack Obama.  Badly.  That means if you lean left/liberal/progressive, you’re going automatically takes sides in the silly liberal/conservative debate and assume I’m one of those Evil Conservatives™, similar to what the conservatives did back in the 2000’s when I was bashing Bush. Let me state for the record that I am not a conservative, I do not vote for Republicans, I love listening to liberal pundits like Bill Maher, Cenk Uygur, Ed Schultz, Mike Malloy and others, and I think George W. Bush was the worst president ever to serve in my lifetime.  (Though Pussy Barack may beat that record by the time his term is done…we’ll see.)  As always, I make judgments and form opinions based reality, what people do in the real world, not what people say they will do, and certainly not a debate between two very flawed and outdated political beliefs that were formed in the 1800’s.

American politics is interesting in that we have two sides that vote for very different types of men.  Both bad.

One side, the Republicans, elect badass deluded Alpha male monsters.  Guys like George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Reagan, and Nixon.  Republicans vote for steamrollers.  Love them or hate them (I tend to hate them) they will do what they think is right, and they don’t give a shit what you think about it.  I just loved that interview where the newscaster gal pointed out to Dick Cheney that 65% of the population was opposed to the war in Iraq, and he just said “So?”.  You can always see the “Fuck You” in Dick’s eyes.  He’s a Alpha male who Gets Shit Done, the kind of guys Republicans love to elect to high office.  Yeah, it’s usually the wrong shit, but they get’r done!

Then we have the other side, the Democrats, a very different sort of animal.  Democrat voters don’t like Alpha males. I’m not sure why.  Maybe because they think they’re “mean” or something.  Instead, they routinely vote for Popular Pussies, well-spoken guys who are ultra-concerned with what everyone thinks of them.  Guys like Clinton, Carter, and of course, Pussy Barack.  Like most betas, these guys always have badass wives who crack the whips on their assess.  These betas talk a good game, but don’t do shit.  They’re scared to make a move.  When they do make a move, they spend weeks or months checking with everyone to make sure no one will get mad at them.  If a real disaster hits under their administrations, oh boy.  These guys twiddle and twaddle and fiddle and think and ponder and poll and fart around.  But they still don’t do shit.  These are the kinds of guys Democrats love to vote for.  Even if an ass-kicker Democrat comes along who will Get Things Done (like Hillary Clinton) the Democrats say “No thanks. Instead we’ll take this pussy over here.  Yeah, that motivational beta over there who talks about Hope and Change and won’t change shit when he gets into office.  Perfect!”

Alpha presidents who do the wrong things and beta presidents who keep the status quo and don’t do shit.  Those are the only two types Americans are allowed to vote for, at least since I was born.  That’s why America has been so screwed up for so long, and will continue to get worse.   But I digress.

I knew Pussy Barack wasn’t going to change anything when I saw him run for office.  This was confirmed when he filled his cabinet with the same bankers who helped cause the financial crisis in the first place.  For all the other positions he hired ex-Clintonites.  Yeah, a lot of change there.  See, beta Democrat presidents don’t like change.  If you change something, someone might get mad at you.  They hate that.  So they just keep doing everything the prior president was doing.  You know, things like the war in Iraq, the war in Afghanistan, Guantanamo Bay, the Patriot Act, warrantless wiretapping, bailing out big business and big banks, little things like that.

I knew he was a pansy when he ran for office.  This was confirmed when he took three months to decide what to do about Afghanistan while generals sat around waiting for his orders.  I still remember the amazement in the newscaster’s eyes when he was interviewing the general in charge in the Afghan theater, and he said breathlessly “Are you saying you haven’t talked to the president in over 80 days?” and the General was like, “Yep.”  The look on the general’s face was priceless too.  Clearly he loves reporting to an indecisive beta school-teacher type like Pussy Barack.

This was further confirmed when BP Oil walked all over Obama’s candy ass during the gulf oil spill.  Pussy Barack actually put BP in charge of what the government should say to the public about what was going on.  Wow.  Good thing he’s so pro-environment and stands up to big business.  Oh wait…

It was even further confirmed during this whole budget crisis, where Pussy Barack’s negotiation skills are so terrible and cowardly that the Republicans are essentially calling Obama their bitch, saying he’ll sign whatever deal they tell him to sign.  Guess what.  They’re right.

I wonder how many times a day Michelle tells Pussy Barack to shut up and he responds by saying “Yes, Dear.”

I bet it’s a lot.

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