Like most guys, I like to think I’m a tough, strong Alpha Male who can take a lot of punishment. And maybe, as a controversial blogger and public figure, I can in certain areas. But I just can’t take it anymore. Hollywood has finally beaten me.
I just can’t keep seeing all these stupid movies. I can’t take the pain. I’m tappin’ out.
Longtime readers know that I see all kinds of movies, including and especially big stupid Hollywood blockbusters that often are objectively bad. I’ve always been like this because I love movies. I’ve always disliked TV, so movies have been my thing.
But in the last few years, it’s been harder and harder. 2017 finally broke me. The Underworld movie sucked ass. xXx: The Return of Xander Cage was so horrible that I actually felt like leaving the theater halfway through. I was really excited about the movie Gold, since I love both gold and business movies, but it was really lame. Ghost in the Shell was well done, I guess, but very forgettable. The last Fast and the Furious movie was the worst one yet. King Arthur was horrible. Horrible! Baywatch? Fucking kill me. The Pirates of the Caribbean movie was so bad that I can’t even remember watching the damn thing (and I did, sadly). The Mummy was probably the worst movie Tom Cruise has ever made. Rough Night was yet another “all men are pathetic betas” girl comedy. (Yet another one of these fucking movies? Aren’t audiences tired of them yet?) The Transformers movie was so bad I wanted to shoot myself in the face. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was pathetic as fuck to the point where it made me uncomfortable to watch it. Dark Tower was a shockingly horrible film that ruined the books completely. I couldn’t even make it halfway into Hitman’s Bodyguard. The Kingsman movie was so much worse than the first one. Star Wars: The Last Jedi was so bad that it was insulting. Justice League… what the fuck was that? And on, and on, and on, and on…
Fuck it. I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t.
Hollywood, you win. You’ve broken me.
I used to go see movies on a regular basis, as in several times a month. No more. As of now, I’m a normal person who only goes and sees those very few movies he’s really excited about.
I will not see any more Star Wars movies.
I will not see any more Transformers movies.
I will not see any more Fast and the Furious movies.
I will not see any more DC superhero movies.
I will not see any more stupid comedies.
I will not see any more predictable sci-fi movies (like Life).
I will not see any more tongue-in-cheek action movies (just the serious ones, what few there are these days.. there was a grand total of one of these last year).
I will not see any more disaster movies (like Geostorm).
I will not see any more remakes or reboots.
In other words, I’m barely going to see movies in the movie theater anymore. I might see some of the above things on home video. Maybe. But in terms of me taking the time to drive to a movie theater, by a ticket, and sit there for two hours, I’m done. The only movies I will see from now on are the few that I know have very high odds of being very good, at least for me. For example, I will continue to see the Marvel movies for the time being, since so far those are still reasonably good, although even those are starting to slip (Thor Ragnarok was fun, but way too silly to be taken seriously.)
Movies have gotten so horrible that even a guy like me who loves movies and can shut off my brain to enjoy the dumb ones actually can’t see movies anymore. Even though I saw much less movies last year than I usually do, I still saw a lot, and out of the entire year, I only liked three (Split, John Wick 2, and Logan). Another three were barely okay, barely (Kong, Alien, and Wonder Woman). Literally every other movie I saw sucked to some degree. Wow.
Usually, at the beginning of every year, I make a list of around 45+ movies I will go see that year. This year? Eh, Pink Firefly and I saw The Commuter this weekend (it was okay), and it was my first movie of the year. After that, there’s only five or six movies I plan on seeing for the entire year. If you’re curious, they are The God Particle, Black Panther, Avengers, Deadpool, Predator and maybe Death Wish or Venom. That’s it. Instead of 45+, I’m down to about six or seven.
It’s a little sad. Definitely an end of an era for me. But as I’ve said before, we always have the old movies to still enjoy. I recently watched the definitive movie of my life and the second greatest movie of all time (Raiders of the Lost Ark) and it still got me excited. Nothing can take that away.